Major League Basebore

I’m really not a tremendous fan of baseball.  I know, I know.  How un-American of me.  The problem with baseball to me, is that in terms of the overall excitement of a game, it rates somewhere between bowling and golf.  Now, i’m talking purely as a spectator.  Getting out and playing the sport is a completely different animal.    I realize baseball has it’s exciting moments, and I’ve really enjoyed some playoff games in recent years.  It’s not a question of whether the game is exciting, it’s more a question of how long you have to wait for something to happen.  I went to a Rangers game a several years ago.  Worst experience of my entire life.  The Rangers won, 1-0 on a walk off-walk.  Both starting pitchers went the distance pitching 3 hitters.  That alone, on paper, is a great game.  But sitting in the outfield, with baited breath, anticipating homeruns, all while roasting in the August sun, was downright ridiculuous.  I suppose i’m biased.  I’ve attended every professional  sport live at least once.  They rank in this order, based on my experience.  NBA, NFL, NHL, PGA, MLB. 

Now, I can already hear someone out there saying, “He ranked baseball behind golf.”  Yes, yes I did.  For two reasons.  1) I know more about golf than I do about baseball, sadly.  2) I followed Tiger Woods for 18 holes in Colorado, I was six feet away from him for a majority of the day.  The closest you’ll get to a baseball player is determined by the price of your ticket.  Golf = general admission.  So, for a fan it doesn’t get much better. 

I haven’t even discussed my feeling about the scandals that have rocked baseball.  It’s sad really.   Even if I wanted to be a fan, these players make it so hard.  I almost don’t blame them.  Of the major sports, baseball has the weakest penalties (although they are getting better), the worst testing system, and have been the least proactive in recent years.  I think they are doing a good job of working towards a solution.  But, the other major sports have done much, much better.  Everytime I think I am a fan, someone gets caught cheating (thanks Manny).  Im trying to focus on the good things that are happening.  Zach Greinke is pitching lights out, the Yankees are playing like crap, and the home run numbers are good (but not scary, someone’s cheating good).  I want to believe this ship will right itself, baseball will fix it’s inherent problems, and the game will be good again.  Time will tell.

How about a Little Swine with that Cheese

The swine flu!!!!!!!  Yes, “the” swine flu.  It’s here. It’s everywhere.  I’m hearing words such as plague, and pandemic.  I don’t want to hear those words.  Sometimes I really think the media in general are terrorizing us.  For instance, we always get the dramatic headline, “150 DEAD IN MEXICO.”  And of course, panic sets in, people begin stockpiling soup and water, the company that makes those ridiculous masks watches their stock double overnight, and people begin avoiding animals in general.  I suppose it makes sense.  The media has to shock and awe their audience, otherwise why would we read.  The article we don’t see, “3000 PEOPLE IN MEXICO ARE OK,”  just doesn’t have the mass appeal a media outlet is looking for.  Thousands of people in Mexico had contracted swine flu, but only a very small percentage have died.  The threat of a major outbreak is of course a scary prospect, but all this talk of threat levels and quarantines, reminds me why its a pain in the ass to go to the airport.  I think the media should be proactive, discuss the entire issue, bring in some experts, and provide some advice for the globe.  You really have to watch every media outlet, read every paper, listen to every radio show and after doing that, you may have a better picture of what’s going on.  Most of us don’t have time to do that, so we flip on one station, listen to the anchor with the bad hairpiece interview a guy who used to clean the test tubes at a lab in Iowa give his explanation of the 2009 plague of doom.  It’s overwhelming, and perhaps a bit irresponsible to report only half of the story, or just the bits and pieces that provide the most punch.  Perhaps that statement will open a can of worms, and I hope not, because I don’t want to read a bunch of responses that have nothing to do with the swine flu.  This is a swine flu only post.  Perhaps, this outbreak may turn out to be a big deal, a global pandemic as they are saying.  Frankly, I doubt it.  The strain appears to be weaker the more global it gets.  Sometimes influenza strains get stronger, sometimes they don’t, but they mutate, and evidence suggests it’s spreading, but not strengthening. 

Which reminds me, IT’S NOT A BIOTERRORIST ATTACK!  Just in case you were thinking that.  If it was a bioterrorist attack, the people responsible are complete morons.  There are literally millions of pathogens that would make more sense as a bioterrorists choice.  Choosing a strain of volitale influenza, would be like training a chicken as an attack dog.  It might work, but it may just as likely do nothing but crap all over your yard.  Influenza spreads rapidly, for sure, but mutates quickly as well, so it may never do what it is intended to do…which is why its unlikely to be a biological weapon.  Likely, this strain was strong in Mexico, which appears now to be ground zero, and as it has mutated, it has weakened.  Which is why the death toll is higher in Mexico than anywhere around the world. 

I believe universal precautions are in order.  I think if you are sick you should stay home.  I do not believe you need to run through the streets screaming, or holding signs that say the end is near.  If in fact, it turns out i’m wrong, it wouldn’t be the first time….I believe it would be the second. 

I’m so Green

Well, i’ve been sitting in my office, contemplating earth day.  I’ve been reading a lot of information about wind power, renewable energy, cleaner coal, etc.  While most of this reading was interesting, it was not near as interesting as the comment sections of the articles I read.  I’m always fascinated by the battles we choose to wage.  People were furious with these, “earth day nazi’s” and their “communist environmental agendas.”  It was both a combination of sad and hilarious.  I don’t think everyone has to be a tree-hugging environmentalist, to use the parlance of our times, but the idea of sitting on the sidelines and mocking these people, or getting downright angry with them is a strange phenomenon.  I’ve heard every argument both for and against many of the concepts held within the environmentalist’s dogma, and much of it boils down to some very simple things.  There are statistical outliers (the people chaining themselves to machinery, etc), but for the most part, they just want us to care a little, and try a few simple things.  If six billion plus people try a few simple things, you don’t have to be a mathmatician to measure the gains.  And honestly, if you think the earth has an infinite supply of natural resources, you shouldn’t be reading this blog, you should be home…coloring. 

In other news, there are prospects on the job front again.  Although, I’m not holding my breath.  The timing isn’t exactly perfect for a recent job opening, and I feel my odds of getting it are slim.  Sadly, I don’t think i’ll be pinched for lack of experience, or for qualifications.  I think this will boil down to the gut instinct of panel of individuals who won’t be able to see past my youth, which unfortunately in my field (and many others) is often associated with inexperience or immaturity.  Sounds strange, considering i’m almost 29.  I’m not really “young,” but compared to the other candidates for the job, and the people responsible for making the decision,  I might as well wear a diaper to the interview.  This is not intended to sound disrespectful to them.  They are doing their job, and if indeed, they feel I am not qualified or experienced enough for the position, i’ll respect that decision.  And I use this blog as a tool to occassionally vent.  The people I assume will make the decision, they are professionals, and many of them I admire greatly.  So, it’s more likely, i’m creating a reason now, to justify a potential future disappointment.  And I’ll safely project the fault onto them and their assumed bias, to comfort myself.  Sad…so sad.

Weather You Like it or Not

If April showers, bring May flowers.   Then what the hell do April snowstorms bring?  I’m a little frustrated with the weather patterns as of late.  I wake up and have to scrape ice off the car, heat it up, get on my coat and wear a sweater to work.  By noon, it’s 80 degrees, and I’m sweating like Rush Limbaugh at the pharmacy.  It’s the absolute worst time of the year for your closet.  You can’t quite box up your winter wear, for fear of an impromptu snowstorm.  So, you have a closet full of everything.  I suppose it will end soon enough, and spring and summer will be upon us.   Of course, the coming season arrives with it’s own set of problems.  Certainly the copius number of people, who will spend hundreds of dollars over the coming months to make themselves look like a freshly baked cinnamon roll.  Tanning season will arrive shortly, and no doubt, every dermatologist’s/physician’s Pavlovian response is kicking into high gear. The sun comes up, they salivate, and prepare to surgically remove another melanoma.  I wish I honestly believed that people tan because they want to look good.  I wish I could.  Unfortunately, call me a cynic, but I don’t.  I think they do it because they think other people think they look good.  It’s the same reason people spend so much money on clothes, haircuts, etc.  I’m guilty of some of those things myself.  The sad thing is, i’d love my wife if she were baked like a potato or pale as these teenage vampires everyone’s talking about.   I suppose there are those that do feel better about themselves when they have the unhealthy glow that can only be maintained through laying under heat lamps like a big mac. Nevermind that the UVA light emitted during a tanning session can be as much as three times more than the UVA light emitted by the Earth’s yellow sun.   And nevermind the strong links between UVA light and malignant melanoma.  Yes nevermind those things…because we have histortically ignored far worse in the name of looking good.  (Isn’t that right leaky breast implant lady, and popped collar guy?)  Besides, I certanly don’t want to remove any avenues that might lead to my wife’s happiness…it’s just a difficult concept for me to wrap my head around.  It’s like paying for bottled water.  I get it, maybe its cleaner than my tap water, but i’m already paying for my tap water…it’s right there, and yet, I gotta spend x amount of dollars on water some other schmoe put in a bottle.  I’m paying for a bottle.  Tanners, they pay for fake sun.  There is already sun…and it’s free.  I guess it’s not the same.  Nevertheless, i’ll keep shelling out the coin for bottles  and fake sun, because I love my wife.  And she doesn’t give me greif when I buy electronic equipment that I think I need.

Charlotte’s Web of Construction

Just got back from Charlotte, NC.  It was interesting, to say the least.  The conference, my reason for being there, was not all that interesting.  I find most conferences to be only as interesting as you make them, but this one had a funk to it.  Maybe it was all the traffic, or the lack of programs that I was interested in.  Or the location of my hotel, right next to what sounded like a jackhammer convention across the street.   Nevertheless, the night life was fun.  My wife rode a mechanical bull, which was perhaps the funniest/sexiest thing i’ve ever seen.  I saw a few men brave the robot bull, but that’s not really for me.  Although the men who did ride, provided me  with countless opportunities to make fun of them.  If they had a mechanical three toed sloth…i’d be on board. 

I was able to visit Spartanburg, SC.  My friend, Patrick, is doing a residency there, working on his writing.  I was able to catch his exit show and hear some of his readings.  I really really enjoyed this, and it was something I’ll always remember.  It’s a great event in  a person’s life to be around someone they admire and respect.  There is an overwhelming feeling of pride to watch someone you love do what they are meant to do, and in turn see the faces of others as they too recognize that spark.  It was an experience like no other.  Patrick, I’m as proud of you as i’ve ever been of anyone. 

I was able to catch a few of the basketball games this week.  The interesting thing is that i’ve been hearing people complain that there just aren’t very many upsets this year.  While I think teams like Wake Forest and Utah would disagree, I understand there may not be as many as we are accustomed to.  My opinion is that this is precisely why the NCAA basketball tournament is the greastest thing in sports.  When we have major upsets, it give us something to cheer for, a cinderalla to follow.  When the teams win that are supposed to win, we end up with great championship games!  For instance, last year, all four number one seeds made the final four…and the championship game was spectacular.  And remember George Mason? They were very low seed and they made the final four.  So, I suspect there will still be some upsets to come, but I also suspect that regardless, the games will be exciting. 

Spring is in the Air

Spring break is approaching.  God, I remember when that actually meant something.  Gone are the days of packing up the car and driving to wherever, for whatever.  My circumstances now, at face value, would come with some kind of hiatus.  Unfortunately, I have multiple jobs, which do not allow me to fully appreciate this time of year.  I suppose I should look on the brightside.  I don’t have class this week.  Which means for at least the next week I can forget that being a Ph.D student can occassionally feel like being a prisoner of war.  In addition, I don’t teach this week, as fortunately the spring breaks of the University I attend and the University I teach at alligned.  So, that just leaves the hospital.  Unfortunately, psychiatric hosptials do not have Spring Break.  Maybe they should look into it.  I’m sure the patients would enjoy at week at South Padre, instead of increased anti-psychotics and a marathon of Hogan’s Heroes.  My wife and I decided to salvage at least a portion of this week.  She is a student, and her Spring Break is this week as well.  So, midweek, we are flying to Charlotte.  I’d love to claim we planned this impromptu vacation to stick it to the man….but it’s somewhat work related, so that claim I cannot make.  There is a conference in Charlotte that I am presenting some research at.  It’s not a bad wrap, as my presentations shouldn’t take up to much time, and we can enjoy some vacation time.   We plan to spend some time with my good buddy Pat while in Charlotte, and take in some night life.  This will mark the second year we have attempted to turn a speaking event of mine, into a vacation.  I feel I set the bar a bit high last year with the Hawaii trip…making the trek to Charlotte seem a bit like following a top shelf scotch with a beer in a can.  I’ll save further judgement for post trip blogging.

Took in the Watchmen over the past weekend.  I really, really enjoyed this film.  I had read the graphic novel, which I highly recommend before viewing the film.  You won’t be completely lost without it, but it certainly provides some back story to really appreciate the subtext. 

In other news, march madness is on its way.  This is my absolute favorite time in the sporting year.  Baseball, which is the cancer of sports, isn’t on enough yet to be annoying, so I can focus on college basketball.  I have friends that don’t like college basketball, they are more NBA fans.  I like basketball in general.  But it’s hard for me to make a case for NBA over college.  It’s obviously not a talent issue.  There is far more talent in the NBA game.  It’s more of the ambiance.  You’re never going to go to an NBA game and see and hear the things you will at Phog Allen Fieldhouse, or Cameron Indoor.  You would also never find people in tents outside the stadium for weeks and weeks, just to get the chance to get a ticket to an NBA game.  You may find people in tents outside NBA arenas, but those people are homeless, and they will stab you.  No, the NBA just doesn’t have the same fanbase.  It’s just not the same.  I honestly would stay home for the next three weeks and watch college basketball, if I wouldn’t get fired, and my wife wouldn’t leave me.  A few weeks ago, my wife and I drove to Lawrence, KS.  We went to Phog Allen Fieldhouse and watched a basketball game.  This was the second time I’d been there.  I’ve been to dozens of spurs games, and a few mavericks games….and the noise level pales in comparison.  I love the NBA, but it’s just not as interesting as college basketball.  I typically catch a few marquee NBA matchups on tv during the regular season, but don’t take a vested interest until the playoffs.   Until then, I’ll let Linda Cone and John Buccigross give me the NBA rundown on Sportscenter.

Down with the Sickness

So, I hope you’ll forgive my brief hiatus from writing.  I have found myself locked in a bitter clash against the sickness.  The sickness, referring of course to the amalgamation of several illness collaborating to haunt me.  I miss the days of feeling ill as a result of being up late, having one too many cocktails, or entertaining guests into the late hours.  Now, the sickness arrives as a result of my children attending daycare.  Or as I call it, the giant infested petri dish.  I liken the daycare environment to the nursing home environment.  Sadly, there are far to many people present and far to few care providers.  And when I arrive, not unlike the nursing home, the kids run to me as if they have spent all day digging ditches while being whipped with leather straps.  There is nothing quite like the look of utter relief on the faces of my children when I show up to pick them up from daycare.  I imagine my daughter huddled up in the corner in a barracade she has made with legos, writing a journal, (I know she’s 2, but I’m working in metaphor here people so back off) praying for a miracle.  My sweet little Zoey, the Anne Frank of the daycare. 

In truth, i’m told that children need to get sick to build their immunity.  I understand that, and it makes sense.  Unfortunately, I am almost thirty, and I don’t need to “build my immunity.”  The flu they bring home that may be a necessary evil for them, is raping my immune system.  It’s not the kids fault, they are young, they have no idea we are passing the sickness around like a beach ball at a Nickleback concert.  So, at this point, I must pause, and take a pill or two….

Let’s talk about sex

Rather than spend this morning typing a laundry list of things I am upset about, as per usual.  I thought I’d share some stories.  I had a student email me this week, with a very interesting query.  He wanted to know if he should tell someone that a friend, whom remained nameless, had been huffing paint.  My response of course, was that if he didn’t want his friend spending the rest of his life ordering coloring books online, then yes he should intervene.  Of course, I suspected that “he” was his “friend”,  and followed up with a few questions of my own.  An ancillary function of any teaching job, is often listening and offering advice to students that trust you.  This situation represented one of those moments.  More often than not, the questions I get are less serious.  In fact, frequently, the questions are so strange, that it takes compelete muscle control not to burst into laughter.  The following examples apply:

“You said that semen is 40% glucose, then why does it taste so salty?”

Yes, this was a real question, in a human sexuality course I taught, as was the following question:

“Is it possible to get someone pregnant from oral sex?”

Sometimes, it’s simply statements that are made, as in:

“My boyfriend’s doctor told him he had to have sex at least three times a week to regulate his bood sugar. He’s diabetic.”

And it’s not just the ladies:

“Yeah, but masturbation in the morning will prevent pregancy for the day because you get rid  of all the semen in the morning.” 

Now, I am not making fun of my students, so don’t assume I am.  Although, reading these quotes again, makes me chuckle.  It’s more of a social commentary on a lacking sex education system in this country.  I mean, the sad thing is, these are not junior high students, not high school studnets.  I teach at the collegiate level.  These are undergraduate students.  If they get to this age level, with a terribly skewed understanding of human sexuality…there is a problem.  Statistically, 80% of these students have had some kind of sexual encounter already.  Would you want your kids going to the gun range, with the idea in there head that bullets taste like skittles.  Probably not.  Well, it’s equally dangerous to let them leave the home everyday with a incomplete picture of the ins and outs (no pun intended) of sexuality.  They need to understand the risks and rewards associated with the acts. 

Otherwise, they will end up satire, on my blog…for all to see.

The Fragile Absolute: Or, Why Does My Neighbor Have So Many Damn Cats

This weekend was interesting.  A good friend of mine, who is an assistant coach for the Nebraska University men’s basketball team, got me courtside tickets to the Texas Tech vs. Nebraska game.  I say this, not to brag about my seats, but as it is pertinent to the “interesting part of the story.”    We were front and center for the Tech coach’s most embarassing tirade.  I usually have a soft spot, both for coaches in general, and for people who lose their temper.  Unfortunately, this particular incident  goes beyond losing one’s temper.  I was about ten feet from children, who also had front row seats for an onslaught of profanity that would make George Carlin turn over in his grave.  As the coach proceeded to point to everyone on the court, and greet them with a feverish “f – you,”  I couldn’t help but laugh.  I know he was upset, and maybe looking to defend his team and grab back some momentum, but it was all a little over-the-top.  And over-the-top is never good, unless it’s starring Stallone. 

In addition, I began rereading The Fragile Absolute this weekend.  Not an easy read, by any stretch of the imagination, but profound, and meaningful to me on many levels.  Zizek’s explanation of meaning within the image of Malevich’s Black Box, is brilliant.  I really want to pick up In Defence of Lost Causes, if anyone has picked this up, I’d love to hear your thoughts. 

The Fragile Absolute

In completely unrelated news, I have discovered that I do not like cats.  I don’t care for them.  I was discussing with my wife, over lunch, that I man shouldn’t have a cat.   Actually, if you are married, have kids, are living with someone else (of the opposite sex), or have a severe mouse problem, then yes, you may have a cat.  Otherwise, it’s weird.  They’re weird.  I realize they were to the Egyptians, what cows are to the Hindu, or what fast food restaurants are to Americans, but I cannot tolerate the presence of a feline.  I’m not allergic, it’s pure contempt.  My neighbor has, I don’t know….eleventy five cats.  They crawl over the fence and into my yard, where they proceed to leave steaming piles of insolence on my grass.  I’ve been scooping it up for about a month, putting into a 40 gallon trashcan.  When it fills, i’ll be dumping the contents on her porch.  Nothing drives a point home like 40 gallons of cat shit. 

Well, that’s about all the randomness I can offer today.   Once again, my blog appears tangential.  I’ll save the planning and outlining for my dissertation. 

 

 

 

 

Happy Birthday Mom: Why Age is Irrelevant

So, today is my mother’s birthday.  I am fairly certain she does not read this blog, so I can confidently tell you she is 51.  I recall a time when I thought that was old.  This morning I played dominoes with an 80 year old man.  I might add, I was feverishly defeated.  It was at the point towards the end of the game, when the man laid down his final domino and said to me, “in your face,”  that I realized age is so very subjective.  So, mother, if you do happen upon this blog, know that I won’t think of you as old, until you lose your sense of humor and start cursing at me incoherently.

In all seriousness, working with a primarily geriatric population has been eye opening in terms of the great existential questions.  Finding meaning when your body, mind, and in many cases families, have given up on you is certainly something worthy of discussion.  I’m floored by my experiences in this position, and certain i’m changed for the better. 

It’s been unusually cold here for the past couple of days, which has caused the typical West Texas panic.  Shut down the schools, cancel work, stockpile fruits, nuts, and bottled water.  It’s all very strange.  I often wonder if people here think people up north don’t do shit for three months of the year.  If a cold winter wind sweeps through West Texas and drops an inch of snow, entire communities shut down.  Nevertheless, I being a colossal hypocrite, enjoyed my hiatus from class. 

I’ll keep this post short, and absolutely free of any point.