Weather You Like it or Not

If April showers, bring May flowers.   Then what the hell do April snowstorms bring?  I’m a little frustrated with the weather patterns as of late.  I wake up and have to scrape ice off the car, heat it up, get on my coat and wear a sweater to work.  By noon, it’s 80 degrees, and I’m sweating like Rush Limbaugh at the pharmacy.  It’s the absolute worst time of the year for your closet.  You can’t quite box up your winter wear, for fear of an impromptu snowstorm.  So, you have a closet full of everything.  I suppose it will end soon enough, and spring and summer will be upon us.   Of course, the coming season arrives with it’s own set of problems.  Certainly the copius number of people, who will spend hundreds of dollars over the coming months to make themselves look like a freshly baked cinnamon roll.  Tanning season will arrive shortly, and no doubt, every dermatologist’s/physician’s Pavlovian response is kicking into high gear. The sun comes up, they salivate, and prepare to surgically remove another melanoma.  I wish I honestly believed that people tan because they want to look good.  I wish I could.  Unfortunately, call me a cynic, but I don’t.  I think they do it because they think other people think they look good.  It’s the same reason people spend so much money on clothes, haircuts, etc.  I’m guilty of some of those things myself.  The sad thing is, i’d love my wife if she were baked like a potato or pale as these teenage vampires everyone’s talking about.   I suppose there are those that do feel better about themselves when they have the unhealthy glow that can only be maintained through laying under heat lamps like a big mac. Nevermind that the UVA light emitted during a tanning session can be as much as three times more than the UVA light emitted by the Earth’s yellow sun.   And nevermind the strong links between UVA light and malignant melanoma.  Yes nevermind those things…because we have histortically ignored far worse in the name of looking good.  (Isn’t that right leaky breast implant lady, and popped collar guy?)  Besides, I certanly don’t want to remove any avenues that might lead to my wife’s happiness…it’s just a difficult concept for me to wrap my head around.  It’s like paying for bottled water.  I get it, maybe its cleaner than my tap water, but i’m already paying for my tap water…it’s right there, and yet, I gotta spend x amount of dollars on water some other schmoe put in a bottle.  I’m paying for a bottle.  Tanners, they pay for fake sun.  There is already sun…and it’s free.  I guess it’s not the same.  Nevertheless, i’ll keep shelling out the coin for bottles  and fake sun, because I love my wife.  And she doesn’t give me greif when I buy electronic equipment that I think I need.