Nobel Schmobel

You’re right Jim Morrison, people are strange. 

I’ve been reading all these comments online about people up in arms about Obama winning the Nobel Peace Prize.  I think it’s hilarious how angry that makes people.  Really, you’re mad?  Get mad at the Norwegians, or their leftist parliment that chooses the committee that ultimately decides who wins, but getting mad at Obama?  That’s ridiculous.  It’s not his fault they made the decision.  I personally have no problem with the President, he’s doing no better or worse than I beleive anyone would do right now, given the climate.  Do I think the Nobel Peace Prize was premature, of course I do.  I don’t, however, believe this should be the source of anger for anyone.  It’s obvious the committee chose him as a sign of encouragement, and hopefully it spurns action.  This is not unprecendented.  Woodrow Wilson, who formed the league of nations was awarded the prize, based solely on the concept of the league of nations.  The league of nations, as you history buffs know, ultimately failed.  Nevertheless, the global (not american) opinion of Wilson was high at the time, because it was seen as a method to unite the world, a step towards peace.  Ignoring the fact that the Nobel Committee is extremely leftist and has made a habit of awarding the peace prize to those aligned center/left,  (Al Gore, Jimmy Carter, Desmond Tutu) we can reasonably assume that the committee is hoping to put a jolt of electricity in the Obama administration to put some action with the words he’s so fond of using.  I’m not angry he won the award, honestly I find it hilarious that people are.  Most of you reading this cannot name the past five Nobel Peace Prize winners without googling it, so let’s not act like Obama beat you out for Prom King.  This award reflects the opinion of a few leftist committee members, who hope to encourage our President towards peace, and I don’t have a problem with that.  I hope it works.

Impending Doom

I should really be studying right now, but i’m not feeling very studious.  I have my qualifying examination in November.  This is the test I must pass in order to be a candidate for my PhD.  I’ve been very scatter-brained lately, trying to outline what I must study.  It’s all a little overwhelming.  Those around me appear to be feeling the effects of my anxiety.  This morning I gave a snotty look to one of the “pink ladies” at the hospital.  These volunteer workers, basically the nicest humans on the planet, have a station in the foyer of the hospital, andthey smiled at me this morning and one of them said, “Have a lovely day sir.”  They do this often, but my normal response is something along the lines of, “and you as well.”  But this morning, i’m sure my crabby demeanor and sullen look screamed, “I hate your pink outfits and embarassingly optimistic point of view.”  I’m going to take them some cookies this afternoon and apologize. 

It’s bad enough when you are an a-hole to a complete stranger.  Yesterday, I was in a meeting, day-dreaming about not being in a meeting, and I lost track of time.  Next thing you know, I realized I was supposed to pick my daughter up from pre-school and take her to day-care.  I was mortified.  When I picked her up, I asked if she was ok, and she smiled and looked none the wiser.  I  felt like a jerk.  When I was buckling her into the car, I asked her again if she was ok, and she turned and said, “are you ok daddy.”  Yes, daddy’s fine, he’s just forgetful.

I have a feeling the next few months are going to be highly stressful, and I’ll try hard not to accost any sweet old ladies, or ignore my children.  Maybe i’ll try meditation, or coffee.  Something to take the edge off. As always, im open to suggestions that i’ll largely ignore. 

NFHELL: The Salary Cap Debacle

I’m a little concerned about the future of the National Football League.  I know what your thinking, “shouldn’t you be more worried about the economy, swine flu, terrorism, or whether or not Obama has begun his mutation into the anti-christ. ”  Don’t be ridiculous, and also don’t be a moron.  No, the NFL…that’s where my concerns lie.  Recently we received word that the NFL may be without a salary cap next year.   We are on the slippery slope towards impending sports doom here people.  NO SALARY CAP!  This is the kind of assinine move that will turn Football into….wait for it….BASEBALL.  dun dun dun!!!!

Baseball, as i’ve mentioned in previous blogs, is dumb.  I repeat…dumb.  It’s boring, the athletes are overpayed (I admit, so are most other athletes), and the steriod thing is becoming somewhat comical.  Before you say, “Hey this guys a douche, he probably hates baseball because he sucks at it,”  let me clear something up.  Yes, I suck at baseball.  That’s not why I hate it.  Here is a list of things I also suck at that I like more than baseball:

1.  Juggling

2.  Pantomime

3.  Farming

4.  Being Polite

5.  Making things out of legos

6.  Doing Yardwork or really any manual labor

7.  Golf

8.  Baking

ETC.

So, my deepest fear, is that an NFL without a salary cap may turn big market teams like the infinite bank account Dallas Cowboys into the New York Yankees.  Now, before you have an orgasm Cowboys fans, let me remind you the Yankees have a lot of money, but haven’t hung a banner in awhile, and currently have at least three admitted steriod users on their roster (that has nothing to do with the salary cap, but I hate the yankees).  I’m not just picking on the Cowboys.  My favorite team, the Washington Redskins, have notoriously deep pockets as well.  I just don’t want to wake up and hear about a football player signing an Alex Rodriguez like 350 million dollar contract or something ridiculous like that.  It sullies the game.  Yeah sullies.  I don’t know if that’s a word, shut up. 

My advice to the commish, get your wife to buy your ties…terrible.  Also, say no to the 86ing of the salary cap.  Salary Caps help keep the teams honest, not all of them (patriots) but most of them.  Getting rid of this boundary will certainly lead to the destruction of the league.  Or something like that.

Tool Time

It’s been a devastating dose of reality in the Berry household this past few weeks.  We returned home from a vacation to visit my parents, and found that our refridgerator had exploded.  The damage after all was said and done included the flooring in both our laundry room and kitchen.  It’s now been several weeks, and our house still looks like we host rodeos in it.  Our floor is torn to hell, and we are in desperate need of new appliances.  My cousin has been gracious enough to lend his expertise, and has about tiled our laundry room.  In addition, he did a lot of other stuff that was very helpful.  I also failed to mention that the bathroom, our master bathroom, is completely gutted.  Yeah, I know.  I’m like every guy…I couldn’t wait to destory it, but once I did, I didn’t know what the hell to do next.  I’ll probably beg and barter to get my cousin to help me with that as well.  He really is very good. 

All of that to say, it saddens me that I know so little about these things.  If I were a useful human male, i’d have tiled my floors, and fixed my kitchen myself.  Not to mention, i’d have already remodeled my bathroom, and given my wife her own space, so that she could relax once and awhile.  Unfortunately, I know as much about tools, as I do about the sasquatch.  I believe they exist, but I have no real evidence to support that. 

It’s actually quite humorous, the connection men have to things like tools.  I walk in a home depot, and its like a fat kid at a pie factory.  I’m so enamored by everything I see, and I wouldn’t know the first thing about how to use any of it.  I actually looked at table saws the other night, and seriously considered buying one.   Then I thought, what would I do with this saw…and I had no answer.  I know a lot of you guys out there are thinking, what an idiot, how can you not know how to use a table saw.  Well, let’s recap, I didn’t take shop in high school, my dad never showed me how to do any of that stuff, and I never had a need to learn it…up to this point.  So, hence the aforementioned reality check.  Now, i’m an adult, or at least a very close replica.  I find myself, needing to know how to do these things…fortunately, the internet, and clinics exist to help lost souls like myself.  Which is why i’ve been annoying my cousin, sitting over his shoulder, asking stupid questions for the past week.  When my daughter asks me to build her a treehouse, I want to be able to say, “No problem, let me get my tools.” 

Competitive Disadvantage

It occurred to me, in large part to responses to my last post, that there are many avenues for exercise these days.  I’ve got friends and family who reguarly run and swim and jump, most of whom do it for fun, and not because the cops are chasing them.  I’ve thought about these sorts of activities.  The problem for me, I don’t like doing things just for fun.  I’m way to competitive.  It’s my Dad’s fault.  I can’t just go run a 5K or train for a marathon…because after the race is over, unless I won, i’m going to be pissed off.  It’s sad really, i’ve always been that way. 

I’ll give you some examples.  I once played a pick up game at a local high school a few years back.  It was mostly high school and junior high kids playing, but my friend was one of the coaches and he asked me to play.  I went right down the lane and tried to dunk on a 12 year old 7th grader.  He fell over, and cried a little.  I was upset, not because I almost beheaded a 12 year old, but because he was in the way and I missed the dunk.  Classy.

And then there is this gem.  I allowed my stupid friends to convince me to run in this 5K race when I was an undergrad.  I was in considerably better shape then.  The girls and guys ran the race together, and when the race started, I was basically sprinting to get out in the front of the pack.  In the process, I elbowed a girl in the nose.  Currently she looks a bit like Owen Wilson. 

I grew up in a divided house in terms of perceptions of competition.  My mom was always the person to say, “you tried your hardest and that’s what counts.”  While my dad, who is a coach, would follow with, “That’s horseshit, you played like crap, go run a lap.”  Sadly, I actually prefer his approach.  Call me sadistic, but I don’t want to be told it’s ok if I didn’t win.  It makes me feel worse.  Ironically, I plan to approach my children more like my Mother approached me. Mostly because I don’t want them acting the way I do when it comes to competition. 

In truth, I think about training for a traithalon, or something tantamount to that.  I think there would be a certain degree of exhilaration and accomplishment to completing one.  But I know myself, when the race ends, I don’t want a concilation ribbon or “hey you finished.”  I want to stand on a podium and point at all the people I beat.  It’s so very sad.

Slim Slow

Ugh…I have to start working out.  I’m not a fan.  Actually, I love it right after, hate it during, dread it before.  I would love to work out, swim,  play basketball, life weights, etc.   That was so easy when I was 20.  Of course, I didn’t have anything else to do.  Now, I’m lucky if I can procure the strength chase my children around the house.  Usually after doing so, i’m waddeling around the house like a wounded hippopotamus.  It’s actually funny, watching my kids run around in circles for hours on end, and then scream, “Daddy come on, keep going.”  I have to explain to them that years of second hand smoke and self-abuse have left Daddy’s lungs shriveled and useless.  Which usually illicits the response, “Daddy you’re silly.”  Yes, I am silly, if by silly you mean fat and out of shape. 

Truth be told, they are great motivators to get in shape.  Perhaps the best motivators, with the creepy heroine shiek teenage vampires at the mall coming a close second. Not because I have a strong desire to look like I follow most meals with a case of mild bulimia, but because of the look of confusion on their face when I ask if they carry pair of jeans in their store with a waste bigger than 30.  Apparently, they didn’t realize that some of us in the human species will actually reach full adult size, and unfortunately cannot all prance around  like woodland creatures in skinny jeans.  So, yeah…working out…. I gotta do that.

Tiger, Tiger…Burning Bright.

Today, I read an article by Rick Reilly on ESPN’s website. 

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/columns/story?id=4347419

Normally, I don’t care what Rick Reilly has to say, because he’s a journalist, and his articles are based on his opinion.  This morning, however, I feel like responding.  I have a feeling most people are going to read the article and they are going to agree with Reilly.  I do not. 

Yes, Tiger Woods throws tantrums.  I won’t debate the cursing and club throwing.  What I will debate is that this is of any consequence to the game, and that somehow this is a kink in Tiger’s armour. 

My first problem:

I’ve been to several PGA events.  I do not agree with Reilly’s assessment of Tiger being the only golfer who acts this way.  I saw many golfer’s throw/slam their clubs and curse.  And I’m sorry, but if you think Jack or Arnold, or any of the the other Golf “Royalty” went their careers without doing the same, you’re terribly misinformed.  Golf is a frustrating sport for amateurs who have nothing at stake.  When you are held in such high regard (Tiger is the favorite in almost every event he enters) then you place a lot of pressure on yourself to maintain that skill level.  And nobody handles that better than Tiger.  He does get angry (with himself) and occassionally his anger is projected on some asshole cameraman or fan who interrupts his swing.  I saw at least 5 other golfers respond the same way during the British Open to thoughtless camermen. 

 

My 2nd problem:

You know, this is the big one for me.  I’ve gone to golf courses, and felt like I didn’t belong, because I bought my shirt at Target.  There is this air of pretentiousness  in the game of golf, and statements like, “this is a gentelman’s game.” are part of the problem.  It’s that bullshit mentality that kept African American’s off the courses for far too long.  But you have to love Karma…and I’d love to see the faces of those crusty old royals now, as a minority dominates the golf world.  You think Golf is a refined, polished, respectful game?  It can be, it should be, but it’s history speaks to hundereds of years of racism and biggotry.  Golf.  The name of the game itself is an acronym devised by rich white men. GOLF – Gentleman Only Ladies Forbidden.  That’s where the name golf comes from.  In truth, it was more accurately: White Gentleman Only Ladies Forbidden, but WGOLF, doesn’t quite have the same ring. 

Conclusion:

Honestly, I think Reilly’s an idiot.  I know he is a respected journalist, but I honestly think this is a case of watching 99 percent of journalists writing articles about the greatness of Tiger, and one trying to seperate himself from that group by calling him out.  I’d love for Tiger to be able to maintain his composure, to refrain from cursing, if it is hurting his game.  I am not sure I can make that correlation.  Tiger has more drive to be the best than any other athelete, perhaps ever.   His passion is only further evidenced by his reactions to even the slightest mistake he makes on the course. I believe other golfers react this way, but perhaps Tiger does show it a bit more…but it matters more to him.  You think that’s not true?  Name a player that works harder.

A Missing Link

I read a very interesting article in a psychology journal this morning, and I watched a television program this weekend on the same topic.  The topic, was video games and their link to violence.  In particular, the use of what tremendous video game dorks refer to as “first person shooters.”  Basically, you have a weapon, and you’re killing people, animals, aliens, etc.  Now, the question posed, or rather from the positon of the article I read, the statement being forced down the readers throat is that there is a causal link between the use of these games and violence/aggression in teenagers.  Now, I don’t presume to be an expert on this subject, but I know a little something about research, and I believe this study is what a layperson would refer to as horsemanure.  There are millions of teenagers in this country playing these video games, and while we may find that a percentage of these teenagers have aggressive tendencies, or violent histories, we cannot simply connect this behavior to their choice of video games, or movies, or televison, or music.  By that correlation, we could say that fast food leads to aggression, since it is largely consumed by teenagers, or that attending school in general leads to violence, since an overwhelming amount of violence and crime occurs on school grounds.  Yes, there have been mass killings and school shootings, and yes they may have found an xbox, ps3, or computer in the homes of the students who committed the crimes, but they also found guns.  You cannot kill someone with a video game.

(Please don’t reply with some nonsense about using a computer to shoot a weapon from a distant place, i’m aware of this concept, and its almost as ludicrous an idea as it would be a reference to reply with)

The problem isn’t that kids fantasize about things, it’s that when they do, they can access it.  Grant it, this represents only a small percentage.  I don’t think it’s healthy to fantasize about killing humans, and I still believe the percentage of kids playing these games who fantasize about killing real people is low.  These particular kids are likely predisposed to violence, or have a specific pathology yet uncovered.  Like all material that illicits fantasy or imagination in children and teenagers, its up to the parents to determine what is age appopriate, and what is healthy/unhealthy for their kids.  If a child is not old enough to understand the concept of fantasy, and incapable of separating it from reality.  Then they shouldn’t access these games.  However, making a blanket statement about a direct link between these games and violence, is irresponsible.  Stop asking what school shooters were playing, listening too, watching prior to their attacks, ask how a teenager gets a semi-automatic weapon?

I Feel Decipticonned

I’m trying desperately to locate this summer’s blockbuster.  I was told by the television, whom I seek advice from daily, that Transformers would be the summer smash.  While I, being an alpha male type, appreciate scantily clad women being saved by the hero (even though in this movies’ case, the term hero is used liberally).  I enjoy explosions, special effects, and mass carnage on the big screen, but the days of robots spouting profanity ended with short circuit, as far as i’m concerned.   I don’t understand why hollywood does this.  Well, actually I do.  I’m not really even offended by profanity in film in general.  If the film is lended credence by the use of expletives, then that’s one thing.  I mean Bruce Willis doesn’t fight off terrorists, and escape death time after time, all while calling the bad guys ‘jerkheads’.  No, there is a time a place.  But, the idea of a giant transforming robot, cursing and using mtv colloquialisms is not only ludicrous, its’ disturbing.  So, if this is all hollywood has to offer this summer, then I suppose it’s for the best.  I can get a lot more reading done. 

On the summer reading list:

A Treatise of Human Nature – Hume

The Temper of the Man – Bacon

Critique of Pure Reason – Kant

The list grows…

Goodbye Comfort: A Requiem

It’s been a long time since my last post. I’ve been exceedingly busy, which is to say i’ve been distracted, which is to say i’ve been lazy. There are plenty of happenings in my neck of the woods, which is an ironic statement considering the desolation of the Texas plains, and the staggering lack of foliage, but I digress. Rather than add my own dirge to the evergrowing internet requiems regarding Michael Jackson, Farah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon, I thought i’d simply say, it’s sad….

This has been an interesting summer to say the least. My parents will be moving, after 22 years in Comfort, Texas. It’s sad, basically, my childhood home is no more. I suppose I’ll always be able to go back, but its not the same. No more swims in Flat Rock Creek, no more smacking golf balls at the cattle in our front pasture, no more sights and sounds that made Comfort my home. Apparently, my folks are moving to Cuero, TX. Which should be great…and if someone has invented a sarcastic font, this would be the place for it. I suppose it shouldn’t matter much to me. I’m married with children and live in the panhandle, but when I go to visit my family, I always feel like i’m going home. And now, it’s going to feel different. I realize my mother is likely in a panic about the move, feeling that a journey 2 hours further south from her son will only serve to isolate her more from her grandchildren. I hope she doesn’t fret to much over this. I’ll likely continue to head south, regardless of their interesting locations. Apprently Cuero has a turkey festival…which will be appealing only if it involves eating the turkey’s at some point.

I will, however, be heading to Comfort for the 4th of July. Possibly my last 4th in Comfort, which means early morning imbibing and parades, copious amounts of food, and perhaps a lazy day on the river….all the trappings of a summer spectacular. I hope to see some family, and some friends, and I hope to be reminded of why I love that town so much, and why it will always be my home.